International "Day of Hate" Proclaimed for Sunday, April 4

Funny story written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Saturday, 27 March 2021

image for International "Day of Hate" Proclaimed for Sunday, April 4
They hate each other

Mar-a-Lago, Moscow, Pyongyang. March 27. Woof Blister, with an apocryphal report for SIN: Spoof International News.

Three of the most powerful men in the world today, in a joint communique, declared that Sunday, April 4 would be celebrated around the planet as the "International Day of Hate." In a Zoom press conference, telecast live from the Kremlin, a Trump Tower, and North Korea, Putin, Trump and Kim Jong-un endorsed the growing demand to honor Hate. They did so by declaring an international holiday to annually mark man's god-given right to hate...on whatever grounds one may have for hating other human beings.

Trump, arguing for the right to express a basic human emotion, declared that without hate, war was impossible. "How could hundreds of thousands of young, virile American men have died in World War II had they loved the Germans, Italians and Japanese? You cannot go into combat," said the draft-evader Trump, "without a deep-seated hatred of your enemy. The American Civil War could not have been fought by those who 'Love thy neighbor'."

Putin added: "We Russians killed Germans by the million in WWII because we hated them. Had we loved them, they would have overrun Moscow in the first six months of the war. And we couldn't have kept the prisoners of war working in our Siberian slave labor camps had we not hated them. Who would have worked the salt mines?"

Speaking from Pyongyang, Kim agreed. "It's my hatred of Americans that keeps me in power. Once my North Korean subjects start loving more Americans than Dennis Rodman, how will I be able to control them? They'll want NBA basketball games on all our government-controlled TV channels. There goes the country!"

In the United States, the Hate Day declaration was widely applauded. White supremacists, anti-Asian mobs and "White Lives Matter" demonstrators took to the streets a week ahead of time to applaud the declaration. On the left, Antifa and UNAC issued a joint statement declaring hate is good - as long as it is directed against the Proud Boys, the 3 Percenters and similar right wing groups. "We'll never get rid of the far right bigots if we don't instill a love of hate against them in our growing list of followers."

Some Christians quickly pointed out that the date chosen, Sunday, April 4, is Easter Sunday.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more