Titslesinites Break from Ancient Order Of Carmelites, Pt II

Written by Pointer

Tuesday, 20 February 2007


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Titslesin on the Bark of the New Order of Carmel-Lite

Fr Frederick "The Great" Titslesin is leading a schism from the Ancient Carmelite Order as was reported in Part one of this piece. Picking up from Freddy's notorious youth, fifth roomate in as many months,Unluk Eedawg told our reporter the troubling tale of the "reading material" Fred had under Fred's Bed.

"All we horny teens had the underwear catalogues and the graduating class of Carmelite nuns stashed under our matresses.not this guy,he had vocation pamphlets...all we could say was: "what a piece of work...He must be called by "Gawd"!"

Fast Forward to the Fr Frederick The Great Schism and the theological issues emerge. Carmelite Theologian and Order historian, fr regis Philbin sees it this way: "Titslesin objects to everything real about religion.He calls himself a super-spiritualist and espouses adoctrine not unlike ancient gnosticism.No real morality,no real social justice, no real anything...just flowers on the altar,lots of ritual and a seemingly contradictory commitment to lots of food and drink".

Fr Philbin explains: "If nothing is real, then nothing is right or wrong, ergo eating, drinking and other excesses of the flesh shouldn't matter. Titslesin is different from the more libertine gnostics of ancient times in that he rejects healthy forms of sex pleasure,he believes that they are too real. He makes exceptions for sadism and pedophilia, well as he says..."Just because I say so!"

Fr Philbin says that Titslesin has named his reform movement Carmel-Lite.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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