One of the oldest and greatest religious orders in Christendom has experienced a modern schism. Not since the separation of the DisCalced and Calced Carmelites over the important issue of footwear has a more ancient religious order been rocked at its roots. This time the issue is not shoes, not even socks (though Sweatsocked Carmelites did attempt a schism in 1980), "It goes right to the foundations of the Order's spirituality and morality!",according to Carmelite Theologian,Fr Regis Philbin.
This separatist movement is being led by Fr Frederick "The Great" Titslesin. Titslesin, believed to be a pseudonym akin to Hitler, Stalin and Mark Twain, was raised as a privileged youth on an Indonesian Rubber Plantation. Legend has it that even his parents couldn't stand him from his earliest years."He was nothin' but an arrogant toddler", friends of the family report, "If you've never seen an intimidating terrible two year old, you've got no idea what little Freddie was like!"
Peers in boarding school had similar tales to tell: "He gave kids with superiority complexes, inferiority compounds!" Roomate Unlu Kee Fuk recorded in his diary, days before his tragic suicide.