German local newspaper "WochenSpiegel' goes viral with sensational headlines and, no fake news!!

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Sunday, 22 November 2020

image for German local newspaper "WochenSpiegel' goes viral with sensational headlines and, no fake news!!
Not quite as good as the Eifel WochenSpiegel, but you all get the message, LOL!!

(NOT EDITED) A local German weekly newspaper, read by 300 people, at the most, has stormed the internet with the following headlines!

People sick to death of Corona, HIM stuck in the White House, ISIS, global poverty, global warming, global misery, a surfer eaten by a shark in Australia, etc, etc, have latched on to these quite sensational, local news reports in the Eifel area of Germany. The Eifel area is hilly, and full of German hillbillies, but anything, or anyone, is better than the continual crap spewing out of global media outlets, and here they are:

SQUIRREL SEEN EATING WALNUTS!

A squirrel was spotted eating his nuts, claimed a 95 year-old ex-farmer while sitting under his walnut tree thinking about Newton!

STRAY CATS EAT SPAGHETTI BOLOGNESE!

87 year-old, Hilda Messerschmitt, couldn't afford to buy cat food for her 12 stray cats, so she put a rest of Spaghetti Bolognese in the cat bowls, and they whooped it down, she claims!

LOCAL MAYOR OF TINY VILLAGE SWEEPS LEAVES JUST LIKE HER SUBORDINATES!

The mayor of a tiny hamlet called, Binscheid, population of 50, was seen sweeping leaves out of her front garden onto the street. Villagers spotted her doing it, complained to the mayor, and she told them "Scheisse, I pay taxes just like you do!"

RAMBLERS SPOTTED WALKING PAST CRUMBLING FARMHOUSE!

A strange occurrence happened in a tiny hamlet called Uth, where the only thing ever seen are tractors driven by local farmers bombing by at all hours of the day and night! However, on Saturday 21.11.20121, 2 ramblers were seen walking past the only two houses, and a derelict farm, left standing. One house-owner, 98 year-old, Nelly Blankenheim, saw the ramblers, had a minor heart-attack, and now she's recovering in her bed, luckily. She told local reporter, Willy Hotzenklotz, why she had a heart-attack, here is her answer:

"I haven't seen people walking past my farmhouse since 1945, I think they were GI's because they gave me some chewing gum!"

SPORT HEADLINE! AMATUER FOOTY SUSPENDED BECAUSE OF CORONA!

All amateur foot clubs in the area are now locked-down because of the dreaded virus, which nobody in the area has, until now! Angie Merkel's regulations, re; social distancing, are for the whole nation, including our desolate area! Amateur clubs in the area are outraged because social-distancing is always upheld, only two spectators ever watch the games anyway!

Readers of Brit tabloids, US garbage Newspapers, NY Times, etc, Bild Zeitung, Dutch Telegraaf, French Le Monde, plus other global bilge daily's, are now turning to local newspapers for some REAL NEWS and no more FAKE CRAP!

Danke Sehr WochenSpiegel for this newest news revolution in our lives!!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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