Couple In Dispute After Vermin Deaths

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 28 December 2020

image for Couple In Dispute After Vermin Deaths
Ex-mice or ex-rats, whichever is the case

After an incident in which a family placed a rat trap which snared seven creatures over a period of five days in their kitchen, a debate has taken place over whether the victims were rats or mice.

"The ugly, scrawny, filthy vermin that weren't clever enough to resist random titbits of unwanted food that were placed on the plastic glue-filled trap to ensnare them, were mice," said the long-time foreign resident at the property, Moys Kenwood, 57.

But his wife maintains that the animals were rats, and a full-blown debate on the subject has failed to find agreement.

Said the Englishman:

"Rats are bigger than that. These were too small to be rats. At least, normal-sized rats. Bearing in mind rats are always bigger than mice, if these were rats, we can only imagine how tiny the mice around here must be!"

But his wife - who is the boss - was adamant:

"We call them rats here. Big rats, small rats. These were small rats, if you prefer it like that."

Whichever was the case, the vermin are now dead after venturing onto the sticky plastic surface that finally stopped them in their tracks. Mrs Kenwood used a large, wooden club to administer death blows to the animals' craniums, then threw them onto a small garden fire she was having.

"Nice!" said her husband.

"Rats!" she replied, mishearing him.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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