Man Killed Rat Before Going To Bed, Then Had Nightmare

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 31 October 2020

image for Man Killed Rat Before Going To Bed, Then Had Nightmare
Exhibit A: no more worries for him!

Unusual experiences leading up to bedtime can have strange effects on our mibds once we have eventually got to sleep, and this was true for one man last night, after he spotted a rat in his house, and bashed its brains out with a sweeping brush.

Moys Kenwood, 57, had just finished watching 'Taken', starring Liam Neeson, on the television, and was in a rather violent mood.

Walking towards the kitchen to put the kettle on for his bedtime cup of cocoa, he noticed a movement near the rubbish bin in the corner. He picked up the sweeping brush, just as a rat ran from behind the bin, and brought it down sweetly across the creature's back.

Rats don't like that sort of thing, and this one was no different.

It did a reverse somersault with a degree of difficulty of 4.3, then lay still on its stomach.

Kenwood used the brush again. This time, it was 'game over'. He got a small plastic bag, and, using an old piece of metal, levered his rodent victim inside. Then, into the bin it went.

He had his cocoa, showered, and went to bed.

As he slept, his wife noticed him tossing and turning, and, more than once, he brought his hands up to his face - as if as if shielding it - and let out a slight whimper. He was re-living the incident albeit with a different outcome!

Inside his mind, he was face to face with a giant rat, which stood towering over him, about 3 meters tall, with huge yellowing teeth, and a nasty look in its eyes. It opened its mouth wider, and Kenwood turned to run, but his feet got caught in the bedclothes, and he fell to the ground. The last thing he felt was the rat's claws in his back, ready to tear him apart.

Then he heard the voice of his wife:

"What the hell are you playing at? I'm trying to sleep here!"

Kenwood now intends to tell his wife the next time he spots a rat at bedtime.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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