Man Oblivious To Bacon Factory Fire After Being Distracted By Nice Smell

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 25 September 2020

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A man has recounted how he remained unaware of a blaze at a local bacon processing factory, despite noticing a 'delicious smell'.

Myke Woodson, 57, was sitting reading a book in the back garden of his mother's house in Oaf-on-Sea, when, all of a sudden, he became aware of a lovely, sweet aroma pervading the air around him, and sniffed at it hungrily.

Indeed, he claims, the soothing aroma was so strong, he felt he could almost taste it. He said:

"The soothing aroma was so strong, I felt I could almost taste it."

His mother, 83, was busy inside the house. Woodson shouted:

"Mam! Come an 'ave a whiff o'this!"

Fearing another one of his 'fart pranks', she ignored him, but, when he persisted, she relented, and joined him in the garden. Immediately, she was aware of the gorgeous smell of bacon cooking.

"Oooh, yea, that's nice, intit?" she said.

The two sat together on the garden's wooden bench, sumptuously bathing in the overpowering odour of roasting, sizzling pork, until, from somewhere in the distance, they heard the sirens of a fleet of approaching fire engines.

"Intit warm, Mam?" said Woodson. "Am mafted!"

Later, on the 6 o'clock news, a report of the fire was featured, with aerial footage of the blaze showing the Pinky and Perky Bacon Factory* engulfed in a fireball, and flames licking dangerously towards nearby houses where, in one garden, two people could be seen sitting only yards from the intense heat.

* No pigs were harmed in the writing of this story.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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