Man Has Stopped Saying "Hello"

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 4 September 2020

image for Man Has Stopped Saying "Hello"
Apart from when he's on the telephone, of course...

In a move that would have the former Commodores singer Lionel Richie spinning in his grave - if he were dead, which he isn't, one man has decided that, henceforth, he is not going to say the word "Hello" anymore.

The reason is simple.

"Overuse," said Moys Kenwood, 57.

According to the Englishman, living in a foreign country can be wonderful, but it can also be very strange. People are very friendly, and are always eager to give a smile, and to use any foreign language skills they have acquired. Said Kenwood:

"That's why, wherever I show my face, I get people shouting "Hello!" at the top of their voices. Not when they're standing in front of me, in a normal kind of situation where you'd be prompted to greet someone with a 'hello', but in random places - anywhere, in fact."

Kenwood has had "Hello!" bawled at him in the street, at the market, out of windows, from rooftops, in shops, from cars and buses, when riding his bike, and whilst passing building sites. Everybody wants to say "Hello!"

It's almost a case of déjà vu for Kenwood, as it was he, back in 2010, who broke the World "Good Morning" record, whilst teaching in Bangkok.

It's not that he's unsociable - far from it.

"I used to be happy to say "Hello" at first. To everyone. But then it got to the point where people were shouting it across roads, fields, and railway stations as if they thought it was the punchline to some communal joke. They would say it and burst out laughing, as if, by taking the mundane step of uttering the most frequently-used word on the planet, they were, somehow, comedians."

And is he serious about not returning a "Hello"?

"Well, if they're not prepared to put in the effort and take it to the next level by saying something more, I think I'm just going to ignore the lazy moron that shouts it."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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