Baby Still Hasn't Stopped Crying

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 3 September 2020

image for Baby Still Hasn't Stopped Crying
Oh, for pity's sake, give it a rest!

A baby boy born in early July, who started as he meant to go on, by bawling for all he was worth the moment he emerged into the open air, still hasn't stopped crying, even though it's now September.

The tot, who was only just over 2 kilos in weight when he fell out of his mother, went on the offensive immediately, crying, hollering, shrieking and shouting, causing those around him to wonder what all the fuss was about.

There were fleeting moments of respite, of course. Babies have to sleep, and during these periods, the lad often stopped his incessant weeping, but not for very long. Just as soon as his exhausted mum's eyelids had finally clamped shut, a whimper, a moan, and a brain-piercing wail would start up once again, as regular as clockwork, and persist.

The baby was given an unofficial examination by someone who was not a qualified medical practitioner, but who was a respected soothsayer with quackish nonsense sorcery skills, but this established nothing.

The baby cried with a greater intensity after that.

Suggestions have been put forward as to just why this troubled little man is so intent on blubbering his way though life, ranging from he's hungry, he's thirsty, he's cold, he's sick, he's mentally retarded, somebody's dropped him on his head, or the not-very-original but probably-very-likely idea that he's just a painfully annoying fucking crybaby.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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