Radical Treatment Used On Tiny Baby

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 1 August 2020

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Money problems? Bad luck? Health worries? Consult the soothsayer

A newborn baby boy who won't stop crying and who was examined by a person totally unqualified to do so, was pronounced to be suffering from a pain in his mouth, whereupon a radical - but regularly-used- system of treatment was begun.

Zee-gar-see, who is just 27 days old, has been crying like a baby on and off for as long as anyone can remember.

He's probably just hungry, but women know best, and, with this in mind, Z's grandma referred the tot to her brother to see what sorcery could manage.

Out came candles, leaves, incense sticks, cigarettes, and matches, and, of course, some money. The last of these is essential.

Candles and incense sticks were lit around Zee, leaves were crushed, chanting was performed, an attempt was made to invoke the spirits of dead relatives - but they were otherwise occupied - and nothing else happened.

Zee continued his crying during the ceremony/game, and after it, and will until his craving for life-preserving food is satisfied.

He can't speak yet, but had he been able, he would, without a doubt, have registered his incredulity at nearly everyone's inability to spot a hungry baby.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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