Man Attacked By Bird

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 1 September 2020

image for Man Attacked By Bird
Just inches from death, Kenwood captured this image of his attacker

A man who claimed he feared for his life, has told how he was rudely awoken this morning by the shrieking of a bird which was attempting to get into his house to attack him.

In a scene reminiscent of those in Alfred Hitchcock's 'The Birds', a bird repeatedly tried to get into the man's house by flying through the windows - even though they were shut!

Moys Kenwood, 57, doesn't know what kind of bird it was, because ornithology isn't his strong point.

But, he said, it had malice in mind.

He explained:

"I woke up to this shrieking and violent tapping on the window. When I got up and looked, it was this bird, which was in a frenzy trying to get in. I tried to shoo it away, but it just spread its wings, and made another threatening sound. If only I'd had a shotgun!"

An ornithological expert told us:

"Sometimes, birds try to get into people's houses to eat them, but these occasions are few and far between. However, we would be extremely foolish to underestimate birds, even very tiny ones, like this one."

But Kenwood was adamant:

"When it couldn't get in that window, it moved to another one, and another one, and went around the house trying to get in. It had murder on its mind."

The same man was aerially attacked by another bird in 2018, as he walked along a public footpath through a golf course in Hull.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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