Man Thought Birds' Tweeting Was Someone Fucking About

Written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 18 April 2019

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image for Man Thought Birds' Tweeting Was Someone Fucking About
It probably looked a bit like this

A man has revealed how he awoke every morning to the tweeting of birds which sounded so strange, inaccurate and random, he thought it was one of his neighbors fucking about.

The sound, which is not unlike some gonk whistling, reproduces the same monotone note for between four to six tweets, then a rising tone, and two descending tones.

The gaps between the monotone notes often varies to within fractions of a second, but has the effect on the listener of making him think that the 'whistler' is probably drunk.

Indeed, the sound is so 'ungainly', it could not be called a 'twitter', which would indicate a joyous, clear communication piercing the air around the flowers and trees, but, instead, could only really be regarded as a 'tweet', indicating a plodding effort to arouse another bird in a nearby bush.

Moys Kenwood, 52, who heard the amateurish racket, said:

"I thought it was some daft bastard trying to emulate the sound of a bird. I had my baseball bat ready, but couldn't see anybody when I went down to look. It was then that my wife convinced me it was a bird."

Ornithologists have been unable to identify the bird from Kenwood's description.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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