Man Can Remember Random French Words From School

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 28 September 2020

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Un canard plus tôt

A man who left high school more than 40 years ago has said he is still haunted by the experience of learning French, and is often bothered by remembering random French words and their meanings.

Moys Kenwood, 57, left school in 1979, but still vividly recalls his French teacher with a Swedish name, Mrs Svensson, and the way she encouraged her pupils to adopt an effeminate tone when speaking the language.

He said:

"She spoke in a nervous voice which made her sound as if she was going to crack and fall apart, but when she spoke in French, she had a commanding tone, a bit stern, and 'un petit peu' threatening, if you will."

Kenwood says that he often remembers a French word such as 'quelquefois', and immediately starts pronouncing it 'in his mind' in the correct accent. He also frequently thinks of 'canard' when he sees a duck, and 'oiseau' when he spots a bird.

He said:

"I feel a bit of a prick, but nobody else can hear me, so it doesn't really matter."

Indeed, he often speaks to himself using French words and phrases, such as 'quand' (when), 'parce que' (because), 'je ne sais pas' (I don't know), 'beaucoup' (a lot, many, much), and 'rien' (nothing).

And he's not the only one. His friend, Derek, calls Kenwood his 'ami', meaning 'friend', and regularly says 'merci' which is 'thank you'.

No French people were harmed during the writing of this story.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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