Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 21 January 2019

image for Man At Bangkok School's Award Ceremony Didn't Have A Clue What Was Going On
An eerie silence

A man invited to a school award ceremony in Bangkok which was conducted entirely in Thai, didn't have the faintest idea of what was going on around him.

Moys Kenwood, 48, arrived at the ceremony just after first light on Sunday, and was guided to a seat in a prominent position near the stage. Others arrived, and sat down, and the event began.

From the very start, Kenwood was lost, in a veritable maelstrom of ununderstood language. He quickly descended into a state of ultraconfusion, as he struggled to comprehend why he had been placed in such a situation. His brain became fuzzy and addled, and he briefly tried to hatch a plan to escape, glancing around the room for a suitable bolthole, but gave up when he noticed the security-guard-like stony stares of some of those present, who could, clearly, read his mind. He closed his eyes, hoping to blank out the wall of sound.

Suddenly, the enormous room turned into a kaleidoscope of colors, spinning, spiralling as he floated cloud-like through it, suspended in space and time, and unable to gauge distance or weight or feeling. He could not make out sounds, save for a distant muffled droning, which, although constant, would not cease, almost as if it was somehow 'important', for reasons he could not quite decipher. Then there was a flash of bright light.

Kenwood's head jerked upwards as he stirred from his reverie. He raised himself up off the carpet, and brushed himself down, then looked around and saw that he was completely alone. The auditorium had emptied, everyone had gone home, and there was an eerie silence.

On Monday, when staff at the school asked him if he'd enjoyed the ceremony, he told them:

"Oh, yes! It was marvellous!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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