Man Ate Dead Fly, Thinking It Was A Raisin

Written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 25 November 2018

image for Man Ate Dead Fly, Thinking It Was A Raisin

A man from Hull has revealed how he made a glaring error, and ate a fly one morning with his breakfast, thinking it was a raisin on his Fruit 'n' Fibre.

Myke Woodson, 55, had purchased the 750g box of breakfast cereal from the 24-hour Tesco superstore near his mam's house. It was delicious, and proved an excellent value-for-money purchase.

One morning, as he sat eating his cereal whilst perusing the Sudoku in the newspaper, a fly began buzzing around the bowl, and Woodson absent-mindedly gave it a few swats with his hand. When it persisted, however, he took one of the place mats from the table, waited, then swung at it as if he were playing in the final of the World Table Tennis Championships, and this was a winning smash.

He thought he felt contact, but, after conducting a thorough search of table and floor, reflected that he may have just imagined the contact, and that the fly had been too quick for him. He got on with his cereal.

Then it happened.

Taking up another spoonful, he deciphered where the number 9 should go in the center grid, and shovelled the soggy cereal into his mouth - including, he noted with happy anticipation, a raisin - and chomped down.

There was confusion, then realization, then repugnance.

Exactly as the Old Woman had in the song, he was about to swallow a fly, but a last-ditch wretch brought the mangled insect out of his throat, and onto the very space in the Sudoku grid where he knew the number 9 should go. Disaster had been narrowly averted.

Then he had a swig of tea.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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