Written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 1 September 2018

image for Dog Stole Man's Girlfriend
He should've seen it coming

We've all heard it said that "a dog is a man's best friend", but Samson, the pet Siberian Husky that belonged to Nashville mechanic, Brett Malarkey, clearly wasn't aware of the fact - it went and stole his girlfriend!

Brett, 23, and his fiancé, Josie, 22, had been together since school. Samson came into Brett's home just after the latter's 21st birthday, and was a very happy dog. He got on well with everyone, and his tail wagged a lot.

For Josie, however, it wagged a bit too much!

Brett said:

"We would take Samson for walks in the park, and Josie would throw a stick for him to retrieve. He loved this game! His tail would wag and wag!"

Malarkey:

"Josie would often put food in Samson's bowl, and he loved that. His tail would wag and wag!"

Brett Malarkey, 23, said:

"She would often give him his bath. She lathered him up, rolled him over, and tickled his tummy - he really loved that! His tail would wag and wag and wag AND WAG!"

One day, however, Brett's life fell apart.

"I came home from work one evening, and found them both gone. All Josie's things - her clothes, her shoes, her make-up. And all of Samson's things were gone, too. His bed and blanket, his lead, his rubber bone. There was an explanatory 'leaving note' signed by Josie, and Samson's paw print at the bottom. I should've known something was up when I saw her nuzzling his big doggy gonads, but I guess I'm just too naïve!"

Brett says the experience has left him shellshocked, but he's not ruling out further relationships with women.

"I wouldn't have another dog though," said Brett.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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