Who is Australia's latest new Prime Minister, Smutt Muffsuckin?

Written by Red.S.Crotum

Sunday, 26 August 2018


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Who is Australia's latest new Prime Minister, Smutt Muffsuckin? That's something most Australians are wondering. Not that it'll be worth delving too far into because, chances are, he won't be PM for long, given he's the 30th Aussie PM this year.

Known in Australia as Smuttsuck, he's been in the Aussie parliament about 8 years, according to some accounts.

On the personal front, Smuttsuck is a family man, and a devoted member of the progressive Australian Pentecostal church movement called Fear God's Wrath You Faggots. He is a passionate advocate of capital and corporal punishment, shooting illegal migrants on sight, and widening the wealth gap in Australia.

In Parliament, always the progressive, Smuttsuck' main achievements in various ministeries include:

  • Voting against same sex marriage, famously exposing his anus on prime time television to reveal the words tattooed on his lower cheeks "One Way Street", next to a drawing of Jesus on the cross
  • Opening Australia's concentration camp on Anus Island in Papua New Guineau, to hold children of illegal migrants until the kids are old enough to row back to the Middle East.
  • Ripping off millions of near- and actual retirees by changing the taxation benefits they'd had available when they planned their retirements, stating "Yeah I know they voted for me but The Lord will provide, I've got to balance the national books mate"
  • Introducing tax incentives for energy companies to build oil and coal fired power stations. He was quoted as saying "The Lord came to me and told me we must not waste the precious hydrocarbons he personally shaped with his own two hands. And those bloody windmills are too darned noisy in any case, they make it hard for the congregation to hear the Sunday Sermon. I kind of like this global warming, we have lots of family days down the beach and I get to wear my Speedos."
  • Lowering the legal working age to 11 and abolishing minimum wages and overtime rates, alongside drastically slashing corporate tax rates.

International markets reacted unfavourably on hearing the news of the latest, monthly Aussie PM coup d'etat. The national currency plunged to its lowest level since 1901, just below the Venezuelan Bolivar. Donald Trump tweeted "I look forward to working with Stuart, we will get along very well, very very well".

By Spoof Australian Correspondent Li Ing Barsteward

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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