Australia has changed its Prime Minister because he looked the wrong way at a female staffer. Malcolm Bullshite, Australia's 29th Prime Minister this year, admitted he had looked at Senior PC Advisor Brucette Rogers out of the corner of his eye after she changed a tampon in a room where a Cabinet meeting was being held this week.
Ms Rogers, 26, played with her face jewellry and stubble when addressing the press this week. "Yeah mate. There I was, minding me own business while Mal was rabbiting on about illegal migrants annoyingly dying on Anus Island. Thought I'd just toidy up me undercarriage when no one was lookin." Next thing the fuckin' PM's snuck a sneaky little look at me and disturbed me privacy mate. I can tell ya, I felt violated, very violated. I told me partner Raylene, if that male chauvinist prick looks at me like that one more toime, I'm downing tools and off to the Fair Work Commission for some closure".
Ever loyal, Mr Bullshite's Cabinet colleagues decided enough was enough and mounted a leadership challenge. Ugly Pete Ducksarse, Smilin' Assassin Smutt Muffsuckin (known in Australia as Smuttsuck) immediately put their pig trotters up for the PM job, as did Ex Lawyer Little Me Goody Twoshoes Lotsa Overseas Trips With My Boyfriend Wearing Nice Pearls Size Six Lookatme Lookatme Lookatme Judas Bitchop. On spinning the Aussie Opinion Polls Wheel Of Fortune, Smuttsuck emerged as the new PM.
In his PM acceptance speech, Smuttsuck said " I'm better looking than Pete Ducksarse, in fact everyone is. It's an honour to become the Prime Minister of Australia and I hope to make a real difference to you ordinary Australians during the first, and what will probably be the last, month of my leadership of this talented Liberals For Rich Fuckers government. God Save the Queen, and Steve Smith."
Asked for his views, ever cunning, opposition leader Bill Shortarse profoundly said " Nah, nah, nah, nah nah".