President Donald Trump's recent whistlestop tour of World Leaders is thought to have caused an outbreak of Norovirus in at least five countries to date.
The President first visited unpopular Asian dictator Kim Jong-un and it was reported that he was so happy with the success of this historic meeting that he vowed not to wash his hands after shaking Kim Jong-uns greedy little fist.
Next he greeted the UK's Prime Minister Theresa May, making a great show of holding her hand in all pictures. It's doubtful that he was allowed to "grab her pussy" on this occasion, but it's probable that he contaminated her digits with his unwashed orange mitts.
Trump then visited the Queen of England, who took the extra precaution of wearing gloves at all times in his presence. It is reported that the Queen was extra cautious due to the fragile condition of her husband, Prince Philip, who would be unlikely to survive contracting Norovirus, or indeed any virus.
Moving on, Trump shook hands with Russian Leader Vladimir Putin, both grasping each other in an iron grip show of exaggerated testosterone, where Trump is said to have leaned forward and whispered "that hand's grabbed more World Leaders this week than you've had hot Borscht."
To which Putin responded, "Congratulations, mine's only shaken the hands of a couple of Novichok assassins."
