Written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 17 May 2018

image for Royal Wedding Off
A Marklebag at Heathrow earlier

The Royal Wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle is off.

Buckingham Palace officials released a statement earlier to apologise for the inconvenience they were sure this would cause, but said the Prince was totally exhausted by the demands placed upon his Highness by the veritable 'media onslaught' which, he said "are just not worth it".

Chief amongst these, it seems, is the relentless taunting, in some sectors, that Irishman Major James Lifford Hewitt, and not Prince Charles, is Harry's father. Major Hewitt was a very good friend of Harry's mother, Prince Charles' wife, the Queen's daughter-in-law, and spare-time landmine-seeker Princess Lady Diana Spencer of Wales etc. If any readers want to know what Major Hewitt looks like, google 'Prince Harry', and that's what Major Hewitt looks like.

A further distraction has been the indecisiveness of the bride-to-be's father, Thomas Markle, who was coming to the wedding, then wasn't, then was again, then couldn't, because he's having heart surgery - probably as a result of all the indecision!

There have also been concerns about Ms Markle's extended family, who arrived from the US earlier this week, and, enthusiastic about improving their bank balances, have been busy talking to the whole world's newspapers. Various large fibs have been told.

Major Hewitt is 60.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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