Written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 13 May 2018

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A plebeian wedding

The Royal Wedding of HRH Royal Highness the Prince of Kabul Harry Windsor and Miss Meghan Markle has run into intense criticism over the day chosen for the wedding, and the inevitable clashes with the weddings, scheduled for the same day, of ordinary plebeians.

Royal weddings have traditionally been staged on weekdays with Prince William getting hitched to Kate Middleton on a Friday, and Prince Charles and Lady Di marrying on a Wednesday, so a Saturday royal wedding is something that people planning weddings of their own could not have foreseen.

One woman annoyed by the royal couple's plans is Tracy Dingbat from Ormskirk, who will wed 20-year boyfriend Terry Dumkopf, also on Saturday. She said:

"I'm a fan of the Royal Family. I really am. I always say their name in capitals, but I'm upset about their choice of date because it's the same as my own. Now I'll have to record their wedding and we'll watch the whole thing on the Saturday night after we get back from the Reception!"

Rachel and Steve live in Huddersfield. They, too, are getting married on 19 May. They, too, are annoyed. Rachel:

"Why can't they stick to royal tradition? I'd already sent out the invites to our wedding guests weeks before Harry and Meg announced their own wedding plans. Now half of our guests have said they can't come due to 'an earlier engagement' of some sort or another. I blame the royals. Plus, they're an outdated institution. Steve told me to say that."

It was the same everywhere. In Scotland, Wilma and Douglas chose Saturday 19 May for sentimental reasons: their first date was on 19 May 2016. Now, their special day faces ruin. Wilma:

"Och, Jemmy! Trust the bluddy royals tae ge-in the way o' me an' ma mahn! The bastards!"

But the bitterest criticism came from social commentator A Bugg, who said:

"The weddings of Prince William and Prince Charles were on a Friday and a Wednesday respectively, with the result that members of the public were awarded an extra Public Holiday. It seems as if the austerity measures are biting that deep, that, nowadays, the government can't even give its hardworking citizens a well-deserved extra day off."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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