Written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 1 May 2018

image for Tapeworm World Record Smashed!
The unnamed host returning home from his local fish shop later

There were celebrations across the Korean peninsula last night when news broke that a new world record for the length of a tapeworm had been set.

The old record which had stood for 140 years - the previous best of 89 metres was set in 1878 - was smashed to smithereens by an overweight male who was admitted to hospital on Thursday after complaining of a 'tummy ache'.

Doctors at Seoul City Hospital in the capital recognised the signs of his discomfort, and immediately sent the patient for surgery. One of the surgeons present, told us:

"It was incredibly long."

Tapeworms are parasites which live inside a host for indefinite periods. The host is often unaware of the worm's presence. Doctors in Seoul think this worm may have been parasiting inside the man for as long as 45 years.

The host, whose name was not released, told medical staff he ate mainly fish-based soups, such as yeonpo-tong (octopus soup), daegu-tang (codfish soup), and jogae-tang (clam soup). How dreadful!

A statement was later released by the hospital. It said:

"The patient had a particularly 'fishy diet'. With this in mind, it is hardly surprising that he should have ingested some parasite eggs which have then hatched and lived inside him for a long time. The tapeworm measured 108 metres, which is a new world record for Korea. It would have taken Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt 10 seconds to run the length of it."

Usain Bolt was unavailable for comment.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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