Transylvania Recalls Melania Trump While Movement To Deport Her Gains Steam

Written by XRhonda Speaks

Monday, 31 October 2016

image for Transylvania Recalls Melania Trump While Movement To Deport Her Gains Steam
Melania Trump has been recalled by Cryosphere Reanimators in Transylvania.

Two new stories about Melania Trump are converging to rock the Trump empire, this is after Donald Trump's failed presidential campaign has already severely damaged the family brand.

First the real shocker.

Meyer Hallsy of Cryosphere Reanimators in the Transylvania region of Romania issued a statement that stunned the Trumps and the world: Melania Trump was being recalled along with 1,500 other reanimation subjects due to a shorter than expected lifespan on several body parts, though they declined to say specifically which parts or organs.

Donald Trump denied the claims that Melania was reanimated in Transylvania and insisted she is from Slovenia when he talked to reporters while he was stranded at the Milwaukee airport.

"This is one of the most twisted conspiracy theories ever, and I'm sure crooked Hillary was behind it just like she was behind the rumors of Obama being born in Kenya. But if this story and the recall were true I would ask them to work on one or two of Melania's body parts in particular while they had her, you guys, if you're married, you know what I mean."

Meyer Hallsy gave a select few in the press an interview at the reanimation lab the day after his bombshell announcement about Melania and others like her.

"Before the questions, let me explain a few things that will help to make everything more clear. Melania and the other pleasurebots don't know they are reanimated from the dead because we give them memory implants. So that's why Melania thinks she's from Slovenia. So think about it, her accounts of when she came to the US and started modeling have been shown to be false, no one can corroborate her history either--that's because it's all memory implants."

The shocked press began shouting questions as Hallsy continued over the din.

"Cryosphere Reanimators will transport all pleasurebots to Transylvania and back to their current homes at our own cost. I want to tell Melania Trump and all the other units on recall that we just want to keep them well and functioning and they will all have a wonderful welcome when they return to their birthplace so to speak, and then they can return to their owners after we fix them. If you are on the recall list and you are feeling sick in any way at all please contact Cryosphere immediately."

In response to the doubters of the story, Meyer Hallsy said his company has already anticipated the need to convince some pleasurebots of the truth of their origin.

"If Melania and the other pleasurebots need to be convinced, they can call our new hotline where specially trained counselors will talk to them and tell them about a memory that only they can know about as proof that we created them."

Movement To Deport Melania Gains Steam

It was once a fringe group of liberals and conservatives questioning Melania's initial entry to the US and whether or not she had proper documents, therefore leading to questions about the legitimacy of her marriage and citizenship status as well. Now, the Deport Melania coalition has spiked in membership since Cryosphere broke the story of their reanimation project.

Besides questions about Melania's right to be in the US, even her right to exist is being questioned by anti-Trump forces, as well as religious and political leaders.

Donald Trump has also threatened to deport Melania if she gains too much weight as first lady, and Melania has been on the defensive since gaining 3 pounds during the campaign. Privately, Donald Trump is saying Melania is a slob for gaining the extra weight.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more