Written by XRhonda Speaks
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Wednesday, 12 October 2016

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After threatening to imprison Hillary Clinton for what he considers to be her crimes, this reporter thought about making a list of actual illegal things Donald Trump has pledged to do should he ever reach the oval office.

So here's a short list of illegal or at least unethical things Donald Trump has pledged to do when he becomes president.

1. Threatened to deport Melania if she gains too much weight as first lady.
"I will be the president with the hottest first lady in history," he famously said.

2. Wants to implement a one child per family law for Hispanics. This will be devastating to US citizens and all Hispanic families residing in the US.

2a. Would impose a one child law on Muslims too, but since they are already going to be excluded from living in the US, it doesn't matter.

3. Donald Trump would put all Social Security funds in his new company called Blind Trust™ where it would be invested and managed by his children.

4. Move the Oval office to Trump Towers. The Secret Service has already said this is too big of a security threat. We've also heard the food is bad with rumors of cannibalism at Trump Tower Grill.

5. Trump plans to nationalize Pokemon Go and build a virtual border wall within the game itself and then claim he made good on his promise to build a wall.

6. Trump will legalize open carry at future National Republican Conventions. This is one policy his Democratic opponents actually agree with.

7. He will take the US government into bankruptcy and try to renegotiate the nations debt.

8. Trump wants the IRS to investigate if John McCain paid taxes for the time he was a POW in Vietnam.

9. Gennifer Flowers, Monica Lewinski and Paula Jones will be appointed to cabinet positions in a Trump administration. This is just to piss off the Clintons for daring to criticize Trump for his treatment of women.

10. Will make the southwestern US one giant Golf course and resort, Trumpadero Links.

11. All of the young people who registered to vote this election will be drafted to fight in all of the Trump Wars™.

12. Trump's first priority when he becomes president will be to deport Ted Cruz to Canada.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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