George W. Bush Admits He's Afraid of Words

Written by Chris Dahl

Monday, 24 October 2016

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Presidenting is hard.

Former president George W. Bush admitted that he was afraid of words while attending a Republican fund-raiser in Cincinnatti over the summer. Specifically, he was afraid of Donald Trump and all of his "-isms," such as "nativism," "protectionism," and finally "isolationism

"What's with these '-isms, anyway?" the former POTUS responded when asked early this week. "I figure he's just trying to be all fancy by taking a perfectly good word and making it hard to understand. That's a trick they used to pull on me all the time up there in Harvard, in college. All them fancy professors with their fancy degrees hanging on the wall, some silly piece of paper, always trying to confuse me with their fancy talk."

When asked to elaborate, Bush junior went on: "See when I was doing my presidenting, we didn't have those '-isms' that Trump fella's talking about; didn't need 'em. All our best words ended in 'y,' like democracy, liberty, prosperity, equality and such. See the letter 'y', that's a good letter right there. And it's helpful too, 'cause it can be a consonant or a vowel. That makes it more useful than the other letters what can only do one thing. It just rolls off the tongue better: pros-per-i-ty. Then try one of them Trump-isms: i-so-la-tion-ism. Isolationism, hell, I'm so confused after all them syllables. What is that anyway? Does anyone even know? I swear he makes these things up sometimes. If he wants to do any presidenting, that Trump fella is gonna have to realize that most people just don't understand this kind of nonsense, and that's why it's scary. I mean, I see that word and I get a yella streak down my back."

The former commander-in-chief then began singing The Alphabet Song, "a-b-c-d-e-f-g …" and commenting that it was "easier when you sung it." In conclusion, Bush stated that "this Trump fella best to keep it real simple" if he wants to be successful politically. "After all," Bush admitted, "presidenting is hard stuff."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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