I Awoke To See His Bare Buttocks Hovering Over Me!

Funny story written by Harry Klondike

Monday, 4 July 2016


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Lansing MI: Janis Porter blew the lid off of a secretive, filthy game of sensuous perversions that's rocked the world of orthodontics to it's core! Her nightmare began when she went in for a routine root canal last Wednesday.

"My teeth are a mess, I'm always getting work done. I'll admit that I never floss and only brush occasionally but I've got good insurance so what's the point. I just let the pro's do the heavy lifting." Ms. Porter continued- "So I get to the office. Barely made the appointment because the service elevator was out so I had to walk around one of those wheel chair ramps.... looking back I should've used the stairs but I don't like the exertion. I get to the office and go straight back- they know me real well and all...."

The orthodontist is located in a two floor breezeway office building. Dr. Wong's Acupuncture Clinic was next door. On the fateful day in question there were two other people in the waiting room. Libby Harris and her son (who was there to have his braces removed).

"This haughty woman just came right in like she owned the place. I didn't pay her much attention- she was fat and so... you know they're all so filled with a sense of entitlement. Fifteen minutes passed I hear screaming- then she comes tearing out in the waiting room with cotton in her mouth and some needles in her cheeks. She ran out the door and flipped over the railing on the breeze way and landed the roof of my older son's Honda Civic that I was borrowing. She wasn't hurt... I don't think, but honestly I was glad she fell, she seemed like such a bitch."

The Shameful Secret Exposed

According to Ms. Porter she was given nitrous oxide and told to take a Vicodin and Ativan (prescribed by two other physicians) when she arrived at the office. Once the procedure was complete he'd give her two weeks worth of Vicodin and six months worth of Ambien.

Her pills that were to be used that day hadn't fully taken effect and she awoke to something grotesque.

"I opened my eyes and saw a pale fleshy mass. I thought at first I was maybe looking into a mirror- then my vision cleared and..... I awoke to see his bare buttocks hovering over me. He was going in for the kill and I screamed and ran out!"

She doesn't remember falling. Her next memory is being in the hospital questioned by police.

It turns out she was a victim of a sick game called "blow fishing". Orthodontist will go through a ritual of eating food like baked beans the night before; then the next morning, while their victims (84% female) are under anesthesia they will put acupuncture needles in the face and flatulate in the patient's mouth while it's being streamed on a fetish internet porn site.

The FBI and INTERPOL are still investigating the scope of this crime. Special Agent Jeffery McKay said that the trend either started in Japan or Germany as they were the most subscribers to the websites. Any victims are encouraged to come forward and call local law enforcement.

SA McKay said, "They will remain anonymous, and there is nothing to be ashamed of it could have happened to anyone of us."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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