HARFOLD, Vt. - As the world mourns the death of singer Prince, who died this week due to complications following an overdose, Harfold State College has released a startling finding.
Although most of the Western world has been rendered incapacitated due to the singer's sudden death, a study by the college concludes that the average person had not thought about the singer on an average of 7 1/2 years before this week's tragic news.
From Facebook postings to Tweets, millions of Americans have commented on how Prince had spoken to them, either when they were younger trying to figure out who they were or, in recent times, when trying to get through a hard time. The study reveals, though, that many of these people are most likely full of shit.
Rodney Wolters, who is studying to be a weatherman, was visibly shaken. "I mean them lyrics were like meant for me. Like from "Little Red Corvette," when he sings, 'Girl, you got an ass like I never seen, ow, and the ride, I say the ride is so smooth, you must be a Limousine.' I mean it's like he's speaking right to my ass!"
Carrie Norman, a baking major, also had strong memories of the singer. "Shoot, I thought Y2K was a real thing 'cause Prince had told me, warned me really, when he sang, 'Yeah, they say two thousand zero zero party over, oops out of time, so tonight I'm gonna party like it's 1999.'
"I mean nothing happened but, still, he was super important."