Massive rock named "the Lewandowsky" strikes Jupiter plus other developments in outer space

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Friday, 1 April 2016

image for Massive rock named "the Lewandowsky" strikes Jupiter plus other developments in outer space
Mysterious developments in remote parts of the solar system seem connected to Trump

Scientists have named the massive rock that struck Jupiter last Monday "The Lewandowsky," after Donald Trump's campaign manager.

At this time Mr. Lewandowsky has been charged with assault on reporter Michelle Fields, and there is some scientific interest in what happened in space as cosmically connected to the Trump campaign.

Mr. Trump and his followers have defended Mr. Lewandowsky as merely doing his job in fending off a hysterical female trying "to get at" the presidential candidate.

But of intense interest and curiosity in the scientific community is how, following the rock's striking Jupiter yesterday, a gigantic aura of orange hues had spread across the planet's face.

Not the least of the mysteries, some audio murmuring was heard simultaneously with these events.

After hours of intense observation and deciphering by scientists, this audio was translated as: "Don't worry, I'll pay your legal fees."

At this point it became obvious the cosmos had somehow supplied a parallel response to events occurring on Earth.

This development sent thrills down spines, especially among Trump supporters, that some Super-Cosmic-Force was looking down at the campaign with approval and welcoming.

Then, even more astounding, another large object has been discovered appearing and disappearing in the outer reaches of the solar system, apparently moving toward Jupiter.

More puzzling yet, this form appearing and disappearing seems to have a form resembling a gigantic female.

Trump campaign managers were at first jubilant and speculating this sign indicates a female cosmic consciousness in support of Mr. Trump.

However, this gigantic female form (or second rock or whatever it is) is carrying something long and shining, as with a long and narrow spear.

Or it could be some kind of surgical instrument

Further investigation is now emerging to suggest this long surgical instrument is in the form of a needle.

There is some concern that should this needle slam into Jupiter (i.e. be inserted) the gigantic planet might collapse with a loud shriek and shrivel into a tiny remnant like a punctured party balloon.

Mr. Trump's campaign people are keeping a close eye on these developments mindful of the impact of "The Lewandowski" on the presidential campaign.

Updates soon.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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