Trump Analyzes Foreign Policy in Exclusive Report

Funny story written by Al N.

Thursday, 31 March 2016

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Trump will challenge Putin to a fixed boxing match.

Donald Trump gave his views on foreign policy to this magazine. We think you will find his views to be quite insightful.

On Russian leader Vladimir Putin:

"Putin thinks he's a big he-man, has a nice physique, likes to pose without his shirt on, he works out, rides horses, etc. What I would do would be to challenge Putin to a one-on-one, man to man boxing match, with the winner to decide the foreign policy of the loser. I have a Trump look-a-like on my payroll that is as strong as an ox. He'll knock Putin into the next country, and that will take care of Russia," said Trump.

On North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un:

I would try to sympathize with him first. We are a lot alike, we like a lot of the same things-ourselves, we're both egomaniacs, torture, labor camps, the list goes on. What I would do first is befriend him with stories of my business conquests, which never fails to win people over. Once I've dazzled him with my charisma, he will be like putty in my hands. If that doesn't work, we'll secretly attach an explosive device to Dennis Rodman and send him over there. That should solve that problem."

On Kyrgyzstan, Turkmenistan, Kurdistan, Kazakhstan, and Uzbekistan:

"Are those even countries? I'll have my staff look into them up and get back to you."

Upon being given a question he didn't know the answer to, Trump abruptly ended the interview.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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