"Centrifuges" siezed by customs officers on the Isle of Wight ferry were discovered to be old fashioned washing machines bound for the HMP Isle of Wight prisons it was claimed this morning.
The Hotpoint Super-Swirl twin tub machines were thought at first to be uranium enrichment centrifuges to be used in the development of an autonomous nuclear missile capability.
Now, MI6's best intelligence indicates that in 1834 The Isle of Wight did have a program to design a bomb alongside their laundry activities. That same intelligence tells us that the bomb program was halted in 2003, and has not continued since. What has continued is that the Island's old washing machines are becoming more and more electrically unsafe.
No one wants to see the Isle of Wight break out of any fictional nonproliferation treaty, or see laundry workers electrocuted. In efforts to prevent this, tech-savvy nonproliferation analysts have focused on monitoring the Island's laundry capabilities as a cover for ongoing investigations into potentially sinister prison bagwash facilities.
