Paris, France - "At first we thought they'd died of la peste (the plague)," Inspector Clouseau said today as a mass grave of more than 200 corpses was discovered under a Paris supermarket.
"Then we realised it could be the missing remains of 'Les Disparus' - the hundreds of disgruntled customers who dared complain about the store's moldy chacuterie.
"Ever tried the wild bore salami?"
By evening teams of forensick investigators began the grim task of excavating the graveyard said to be built atop the site of a 12th century Knights Templar hostelry called Le Pissoir.
Samples of human tissue will then be processed by specialists at the French National Institute for Preventing Archaeological Research (INRAP) to confirm suspicions that the people buried in the hellhole may have died of salami-related bubonic plague.
"Now we know why the checkout queues shrank."