According to her agent, Paris Hillton may sue Faux News for referring to her erogenous zones as "no-man's lands."
The comments, she whines, are "mean-spirited" and "insulting."
She added, "My image has been prejudiced, and my honor has been sullied."
Michael Inclement, Faux News' Executive Vice-President in Charge of Vice, who asked to remain nameless, took issue with Hillton's statements.
"We were besmirching Paris, France, not Paris Hillton," he said, "at least, in that fair city's opinion, and we didn't refer to anything as 'no-man's lands.' The term we used, in reference to Islamic strongholds, I believe, was 'no-go zones,' because Paris' finest--the city's, not the hotel fortune heiress'--are afraid to go into these areas unarmed."
Upon hearing Inclement's explanation, Hilton pouted, "Apology not accepted!" She also insisted that she is not prejudiced against men of any race, nationality, creed, or sexual orientation, "although I do prefer manly men, I must confess."
David Came-on, the prime minister of England, Great Britain, the British Isles, and the United Kingdom, said he is "very, very good friends with Ms. Hillton" and knows, "on the basis of personal experience, that there's nothing 'no-man's land' about her erogenous zones."
Inclement said, concerning Hillton's threat to sue, "Bring it on!"
He believes that her complaint is "without merit," and says, "to win, should she be so ill-advised as to proceed with a lawsuit, she would have to prove both that the information that Faux disseminated concerning her is false and that it was disseminated with malice."
Hillton vowed to go forward with her suit. "I may be blonde, but I'm not stupid," she sulked. "I know when my honor's been prejudiced, and I know that my erogenous zones interest a lot of men. Even Bill Riled, host of the Faux's Riled Factor, called me 'hot' one time. I think I even saw a little drool when he dribbled the compliment."
To prove she's still "smoking hot," even at age 33, Hillton said she will subpoena her sex video, if necessary, as evidence of the "interest" that one of her former lovers expressed, "quite openly and emphatically," in her erogenous zones.
"But the jury should be cautioned: it's X-rated, all the way!" she warned.