Bwahaha! Falling oil prices send Russian oligarchs cap-in-hand to Wonga

Written by queen mudder

Tuesday, 2 December 2014

image for Bwahaha! Falling oil prices send Russian oligarchs cap-in-hand to Wonga
Roman Abramovich's megayacht Dun Frackin is being repossessed by the Russian taxman

Hole in the Wall Street, Moscow - Usury is thriving once again in Moscow's financial district with payday lenders shamelessly jacking up their base rates as a surge of cash-strapped oligarchs comes a-begging following a plunge on the global price of crude.

And it's not just falling oil prices that are cleaning out Russian tycoons like Oleg Deripaska and Roman Abramovich whose limousines were seen kerb crawling outside a high-end Moscow pawn brokers last night.

A reported 10% slump at the Moscow Stock Exchange on Tuesday sent thousands of traders to the wall after Russian potato peelings futures plummeted to close somewhere six feet under alongside liquid parrafin, industrial solvents and vodka - all vital ingredients to a healthy Putin economy.

By close of business the Russian economy has been downgraded by Standard & Poorarse to Junk Bond status and a credit card red alert issued on dozens of oligarchs.

Including their former wives - like Irina Abramovich - and dozens of other hos.

Expect the price of crude to rally after 21 December when a Winter Solstice seismic blowout may delete large parts of Iran.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more