Putin imposes "Prima Nocte" law on all Crimean Brides

Written by Patrick Parkinson

Monday, 24 March 2014

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Russia stretched its political muscles over the newly-occupied area of Crimea today, with Russian leader Vladimir Putin creating a new law of "Prima Nocte" in the area. The law was popular during medieval times and allows all Russian tourists the right to have sex with any Crimean brides on their wedding night before the groom.

The aged law, seen in the popular Mel Gibson movie "Braveheart", was said to be "a rite of passage for many Russian men" by spokesman Dimitri Hasselhov.

"We have held a private vote as well and found that many of the women in Crimea were in favour of this new law as many of them love Russian men and see it as an honour to lose their virginity to them".

However this new vote was scrutinised by a UN committee who have said there "is no proof such a vote took place."

Hasselhov responded to this statement by saying "of course the West isn't interested in what the women of Crimea want, they only care about the fascists who want to take over the country and make it join the EU."

The state-owned news channel "Russia Today" even showed last night coverage of crowds of reportedly Crimean women storming the government buildings and demanding that the law would be passed with immediate effect. "We want Russian seed!" chanted the aggressive women.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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