GOP opera to be performed in special government shutdown drama

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Sunday, 22 September 2013

image for GOP opera to be performed in special government shutdown drama
Various costumes for the opera's king figure are being considered at this time

This week GOP politicians, led by House Speaker Mr. Boehner and his conservative colleagues, will use a stunning new technique in an effort to further persuade congress and the American people on the wisdom of shutting down the government.

An entirely new opera titled "O How the Mighty Lash Hath Fallen" will be performed in congressional chambers, with Mr. Boehner in the lead role.

Several choruses will be formed from tea party members, for the introductory phase of the opera, then between acts one and two, and in the finale, which will feature chorale members wearing wings simulating angels and heavenly cherubs.

A spokesperson for Mr. Cantor explained that the key word "lash" in the title of the opera stands for "Loyal and Sensible House," in the sense of an essential message meant as rebuke to the upcoming Obamacare program.

Many of these same representatives have also recently been involved in action to reduce food stamp outlay per annum by forty billion, reducing assistance to somewhat less than a dollar forty per meal.

The opera contains some allusions to the food stamps issue, according to scholars from Harvard and Princeton now studying the opera, within a magnificent and "spine-tingling" interchange between Mr. Boehner in baritone and Ms. Pelosi in soprano.

That the personal food allowance per day for members of congress is over one hundred dollars a day was acknowledged by spokespersons for Mr. Cantor and Mr. Boehner as "interesting" but "irrelevant" to the larger issue of reducing monies and subsidies to "those who should be more self-reliant in feeding themselves."

Composition of the opera is alleged (but not confirmed) to have been encouraged by the Koch brothers and Mr. Rupert Murdoch, with some artistic contributions from these gentlemen, and the lion's share in creating music and vocals by several of the newest and wealthiest tea party members elected to congress in recent elections.

Outstanding features of this operatic performance include the role of a character outfitted as a large green worm symbolizing (according to opera spokespersons) "the vox populi" whether in need of food stamp money or resentful over the Obamacare program.

A king-like figure with crown and fur robes plus tights resembling royalty from sixteenth century France will respond with "beneficent wisdom" (in very deep and marvelous bass and tremulo) that wealth is the natural order of things in America and anyone without it should be tolerated without imprisonment, but not encouraged toward "handouts."

Mr. Boehner's baritone soars as intermediary between worm and king, and he bows to this royal presence while insisting the Republican Party will never relinquish its "sincere regard" for all unfortunates.

At this point with further soaring voice backed by chorale, the Speaker insists that GOP "intelligence" and "leadership" will continue to strain to its utmost in protecting all persons involved in monetary conflicts and difficulties.

He will then bow to the king-like figure and offer a golden slipper, followed by slipping this slipper very smoothly on to the Royal Foot.

This juxtaposition of commitment to the people and obeisance to the rich has caused mixed interpretations from the Harvard and Princeton scholars working with the script.

However, they generally approve the opera's emphasis in that "the rights of wealth and privilege should continue to be emphasized as primary values for America," with these values exemplified most movingly through this performance.

The performance will not be televised but specially developed through (unnamed as yet) a Hollywood production studio, and will be available before Christmas in boxed sets of DVD's. Introductory prices promise fifteen percent off.

Mr. Obama has said he plans to attend, and his facial responses and bodily gestures will be included in a special supplementary bonus feature for the DVD.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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