Congress Grants New Powers to Banks

Written by Auntie Matter

Tuesday, 17 September 2013

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In a surprise move yesterday Washington Congress granted wide-ranging powers to American Banks. Explained Senator Hart Black recently returned from the Bilderberg Conference held this year underneath the Vatican; "In accord with our foreign engagements and our heavy investment in them we must, above all, ensure the efficiency of our banking system. Hopefully, the rest of the world will catch up with us."

In brief, banks have been given the go-ahead to phase out physical money as the medium of exchange. This will mean that only the credit card will be used by one and all enabling banks and financial institutions to extract funds and increase borrowing rates, fees etc, at will. It will also enable them to freeze an account given due reason, or as Senator Black explained..."if it is considered to be in the public's interest". In this regard, they will be working closely with government financial institutions, home affairs bureaucrats and the CIA. They will also be networking with foreign governments and the Bundesbank.

Perhaps more worrying is the granting of citizen's arrest powers to banks everywhere in the US. This will mean in effect that every bank will have its own private army. Explained Senator Black : "Well, that's nothing to be alarmed at, as banks already have their own guards and security personnel. To ensure efficiency we have simply granted them powers to arrest, without warrant, persons in default of payments or mortgages or who are suspected of criminal activity. This, we believe, will be of great benefit to mankind in general."

George Bush welcomed the initiative. "Truly now the world will see that America really is the land of the free."
Said President Obama: "This is long overdue. The New World order is now within reach. If Adolf was alive today he would be a very proud man indeed. We must take our hats off to corporate America for supporting and endorsing such a ground-breaking initiative."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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