First Published Presidential Papers! Obama Sends out His Resume Hoping to Find 'a real job!"

Written by Morse

Monday, 15 August 2011

image for First Published Presidential Papers! Obama Sends out His Resume Hoping to Find 'a real job!"
They Love Him in Kenya:" Bah-Ma, Bah-Ma!"

For a sitting President who has no verifiable history, let alone copies of undergraduate papers, class room grades, proposed state senate laws, and who voted "Present" more times than not in the US Senate, reports are emerging that Barry is testing the market for a 'real job' beginning in 2013 by floating his 'resume.'

As far as anyone knows, this is the first time that Barry Obama has put anything to paper that wasn't burned before reading.

For a man who is still an enigma after almost 3 years in the White House, some details emerged regarding the President's "testing of the waters' in the international job market.

According to a confidential informant, who still is working for the government, and is set to retire with a sterling pension plan within the next 14 months, Obama has sent by diplomatic pouch, copies of his resume to the IMF, The World Bank, the UN, The EU, the UAE, and to BP, although he has not ruled out sending one to PM Dave Cameron applying either for the Home Secretary Job or Treasury Secretary.

While a complete copy of he resume is not available at press time, certain phrases do stick out.

To the World Bank and IMF Obama says, "If you're looking for someone who knows how to spend money on worthless causes, I wrote the book and even have some new tricks up my sleeve!" He also had a reference from Head Advisor Valerie Jarrett saying, "He's a man who can keep it in his pants in public, and out of the papers. What happened in the White House stayed in the White House....take it from someone who knows!"

To the UAE, mostly directed to Dubai, he said, " I'm down with building an economy on sinking sand..I inherited an economy built on a rock solid foundation and it's taken me almost 3 years chipping away at it to make it as unstable as it is today...hire me and I know together we can 'git 'er done!"

To the EU he said, "I'm extremely articulate and with the right teleprompters, can help you easily conquer Europe without firing a shot from the comfort and safety of my desk. While I hate peas, I'm willing to suck it up and eat Brussels Sprouts 3 times a day in exchange for World Power over a bungling Europe! It's a piece of cake, you won't be sorry, Trust Me!"

In a draft To Dave Cameron not yet sent he wrote," if I get the job in Treasury or as Home Secretary, me and my experienced team will have you straightened out in no long as you've got the money, honey, I've got the time to get you limeys back on track!

"PS: Got any gold left? Just wonderin'"

To the UN he opined, "I'm multi-cultural, multi-talented, multi-faceted, multi-lingual, extremely secretive, and can get the UN straightened out 'the Chicago Way.' I know how to keep my mouth shut, and don't worry about any of your relatives...I know how to take care of friends and family."

In an attempt to 'get his feet wet', Obama set off today on a bus tour of several mid western states planning to attend hastily resurrected 'Job fares' as the country approaches over 10% unemployment, with actual figures already said to be at 19-20% in real numbers left unpublished by the Administration.

Press was limited to members from MSNBC, the Huffpoo/AOL staff, and stringers sent over from the Guardian in the UK hoping to discover how Obama handled Anarchy in the US.

At his first stop in Iowa, Obama refused an interview with an Iowa pig farmer who needed someone to 'slop the hogs', but the President declined saying because of his religious beliefs and his well documented distain for Pork in Congress, he would have to take a 'pass."

Things looked a little better in Chicago where old friend, and now Mayor, Rahm Emanuel offered a 'two-fer." A $500,000 a year no show job with a major Chicago hospital for his wife Moochelle, and $1m a year for him as a Gang Organizer and Social Director passing out bribes in the guise of a stimulus to cut crime, much like Obama's doing by paying off the Taliban to 'take it easy' using Taxpayer money.

Insiders say that while Obama was tempted by the Chicago offer, he has his mind set on more worldly and powerful opportunities he expects will be coming in from the international community.

"Trust me, " said a political analyst from Chicago, "even if he goes back to his roots in Kenya herding goats, he'll have more goats than anyone in the village, and once he's out of the public eye, even more wives than his old man!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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