Gotham City -- Help is on the way to rescue London's beleaguered Metropolitan Police from a combination of catastrophes involving rioting, looting, burning, and phone hacking.
US President Barack Obama has assigned America's most popular law enforcement official, Gotham City Police Commissioner James Gordon, to restore the integrity and effectiveness of Scotland Yard.
"I alerted the Commissioner with the bat signal last evening that it's D-Day all over again," Obama told reporters. "Jim Gordon has the unique ability to bring America's advanced policing techniques to the UK."
Gordon said he would leave immediately for London, taking with him a list of improvements that he hopes will be implemented immediately.
"I stayed up all night writing these, so I hope I can sleep on the plane," he declared. "They serve both dinner and breakfast on those overseas flights, right?"
The Commissioner's to-do list for Scotland Yard was composed of five rather succinct points:
1. Arm the police.
2. Arm the citizens.
3. Let them go at it.
4. Call on Batman to clean up the mess.
5. Celebrate your victory at the Gotham City Dunkin' Donuts.
"We believe in the concept of community policing in America," Gordon explained. "Officers need to get close to the citizens, so that the public can show its appreciation to the police for everything we do.
"We're having a little cash flow problem here, so any gifts that citizens can give the cop on the beat are especially appreciated now," he added. "And yes we do take American Express."
The Commissioner is being accompanied on his trip by billionaire Bruce Wayne and cartoon character Adam West.
