Local Man Gives All the Credit to Jesus after Polishing off Cheese Omelet

Funny story written by Asheville Jack

Thursday, 4 August 2011

image for Local Man Gives All the Credit to Jesus after Polishing off Cheese Omelet
Mr. Taylor smiles after being cured of the cheese torments

Libuse, La. - Mrs. Del Taylor remembers last Friday morning when, she says with a bit of nervous laughter, she discovered only four eggs and a small packet of grated American cheese in the refrigerator. Her husband Kenny was in the bathroom readying for his work day down at Zimmers Iron Works. Shortly, she knew, Kenny would be in the kitchen ready for his breakfast of bacon and eggs with wheat toast, the same lucky breakfast he enjoyed every day since landing the job of crane operator down at the plant back in December of 1974.

Mrs. Taylor said she had to by-pass the market, and the bacon and wheat bread, the day before after not being able to turn left into the supermarket because of Jimmy Bronson's funeral procession, which was coming in the opposite direction on the way to the Second Baptist Memorial Graveyard. Young Mr. Bronson had died Tuesday last week after showing off to his bride to be Mavis Tilton, doing a jig she said, from the top of Crystal Falls and subsequently falling to his death on the rocks sixty feet below.

Now on Friday morning with precious time running out on her Mrs. Taylor said she did the only thing she could, she whipped up Kenny a four egg American cheese omelet. But she says when Kenny sat down to eat he noticed, being a 1969 graduate of General P.G.T. Beauregard High, that his usual lucky workday breakfast wasn't on the plate.

According to Mrs. Del Taylor Kenny couldn't stomach cheese. In fact she said it made him awfully sick just to look at a picture of cheese on a menu or in a magazine, ever since getting deathly ill down at the Mexican restaurant on Hwy 28, the restaurant that mysteriously burnt down last year.

Mrs. Taylor said it was the funniest thing, watching Kenny pick up a bit of the cheese omelet on his fork to smell it, for what she didn't know. Faced with the option of going hungry till lunch, Mrs. Taylor said Kenny gobbled the cheese omelet down and sat at the table waiting for any intestinal malfunctions that might follow.

When, after several minutes, Kenny felt no ill effects Mrs. Taylor said he dropped to his knees right there in the kitchen and praised Jesus for healing him of the cheese torments. Kenny, being a card carrying member of the First Baptist Church of Libuse and full of the spirit of Jesus along with the four egg Cheese omelet, then drove to work in his pickup a contented man, according to his wife.

Still, despite her being happy that Jesus cured her husband of his cheese torments, Mrs. Taylor says she is also a little sad. She says she's sad that it was young Jimmy Bronson's unfortunate demise that caused her to by-pass the supermarket last Thursday, leaving her with only four eggs and a little American cheese in the house. Jesus, she noted, sure does work in mysterious ways.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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