MARICOPA, Arizona - The Cucamonga Chit Chat Chronicle recently spoke with Arizona Sheriff Joe "Pinky" Arpaio, who is probably the most well-known lawman in the entire United States.
"Pinky" Arpaio, was given his unusual nickname by the inmates, prisoners, and convicts who are housed in his prison, because he makes them wear pink prison jumpsuits, pink flip flop shoes, pink underwear, and pink handcuffs.
At first, a lot of people who were not from his home state of Arizona simply thought that he was called "Pinky" because he was gay like Adam Lambert, Perez Hilton, or England's Elton John.
But gradually word got around that although "Pinky" didn't have a steady girlfriend, or didn't actually date, that, that didn't necessarily mean that he was prone to riding sidesaddle or to going river tubing with a male friend and using only one inner tube.
Arizona Governor Jan "The Man" Brewer, who got her name because of the fact that she ain't exactly no Keira Knightley in the looks department swore under oath that Joe "Pinky" Arpaio does not ride his horse, Mr. Horsey sidesaddle and that he in fact rides Mr. Horsey exactly like any other man would and that is facing forward with one leg on either side of the saddle, just like Roy Rogers, Gene Autry, and Rowdy Yates did.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Everyone knows that Rogers and Autry were both known as "The Co-Kings of the Cowboys," and for those who may not know who Rowdy Yates was he was the cattle drive ramrod on the 50s television western Rawhide. Yates was played by a then unknown young actor named Clint Eastwood, who went on to fame and fortune starring in the spaghetti westerns, the Dirty Harry movies, and as the inventor of velcro.]
Sheriff Arpaio told The Cucamonga Chit Chat Chronicle that he recently met with Governor Brewer, Arizona Senator John McCain, and GOPrincess Ann Coulter and they all decided that Arizona seems to be losing its Old West look and flavor. They pointed out that the landscape is changing and that the once proud masculine saguaro cactus are being replaced by feminine bougainvilleas at an alarming rate.
They also noted that the once popular tumbleweeds are now being replaced by posies, pansies, and petunias. And Brewer, Arpaio, McCain, and Coulter all agree that it is all due to the fact that within the past three years there have been 2,891 hardcore gays and lesbians who have moved to Arizona from San Francisco, West Hollywood, and Baltimore.
Governor Brewer even presented a certified letter that she had received from a Skippy Fippyhunter, a male pedicurist from West Hollywood but who now resides in Flagstaff, Arizona, requesting that the color pink be added to Arizona's state flag.
Another transplanted Californian, Emma Bertha Bickerfunker, an avowed lesbianite said that she wants the state to change the state bird from the Cactus Wren to the limp-wristed, lavender-feathered, sap-sucking Wiggle Warbler.
Sheriff Joe "Arpaio" in his weekly radio program which is heard on Maricopa's radio station 99.9 known as "The Desert Diddler" recently stated that he wants for all of the gays and lesbianites who currently reside in Arizona to please willingly leave the state no questions asked.
He noted that it really isn't anything personal, and that it's just that his once macho state is now starting to look like the backyard of Richard Simmons' home in West Hollywood Casa Sissy Britches.
SIDENOTE: Governor Brewer has promised her very, very close friend Joey Arpaio that she will do whatever she can to get legislation passed that will mandate that all gays and/or lesbians leave the state, hopefully before Valentine's Day, which she noted that this year falls on Feb. 14.]