Obama Cancels Christmas Luau, Pardons Pig; Hawaiians Pissed, Pig Ecstatic!

Written by Morse

Saturday, 25 December 2010

image for Obama Cancels Christmas Luau, Pardons Pig; Hawaiians Pissed, Pig Ecstatic!
Bernie's Flight to Heaven and 71 Virgin Sows Delayed by Obama!

Festive plans for a Hawaiian Christmas dinner and family celebration were dampened today when President Barry Obama backed out of a state sponsored Luau planned in his honor.

Citing dietary considerations, a mandate from wife Michelle who continues to carry on her fight against obesity in fat arsed people who can't say no to double desserts, and an encrypted Blackberry text message from his spiritual advisor, Imam Mahmoud el ShaBoom, regarding Pork for Presidents setting a bad example for Muslims around the world, Barry Promptly Pardoned the Pig.

What the family will be having for Christmas dinner remains a mystery.

Some credible sources say it will be a strictly vegetarian meal with no embellishments.

Others say it will be an incredible feast flown in and catered by one of the Helmand Restaurants owned by the Karzai family who control all the capitalistic enterprises in Afghanistan, and a chain of restaurants in the US as well.

The president, who some say appears to have lost a few pound recently, has denied rumours that he was seen sneaking into a native take a way at 3 a.m. surreptitiously scoffing up a spam sandwich on rye toast...woofing it down voraciously as soon as he climbed back into the blacked out Government Hummer.

Other rumours have been discussed openly on Oprah by Dr. Phil speculating on the causes of bulimia and anorexia, both bizarre physical afflictions attributed to insecure people with low self esteem.

Meanwhile, Hawaiians are said to be very upset after being dissed by the President.

"After all we did for him, too," said keeper of vital records Oni Shish-kabob, a long time state tenured worker in the Bureau of Records. "Somethings not right here...everybody knows a natural born Hawaiian lives for a good luau and plenty of spam sandwiches!
I think on Monday, after the holiday, someone should reopen the case of Obama's birth...I just did what 'they' tolt me....and now look....he's making us look bad and hurting the
tourist industry!"

The pig in question, dubbed "Bernie" by the media, was returned to his pig farm where it was reported he was met with wild jubilation.

Speaking for the pig, sty master Ralph Palamanto said, "Bernie was prepared to die. He had been in training for the day when he'd make the ultimate sacrifice for the cause. I don't know, he seems ok now due to all the excitement, but when it sinks in he's been denied, I don't know if his psyche will be able to cope with it. We'll probably have to send him to rehab to help him get over it."

Palamanto was asked if Bernie would consider 'giving it up' for Nancy Pelosi when she
comes out for New Years celebrating her last junket with friends and family on the giant air force plane she commandeered for her last official act as Speaker of the House.

The sty master didn't hesitate in answering emphatically, "In a Pig's Arse!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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