House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, who has not been seen since the Omnibus Bill was voted down Thursday, was reported to have checked into a hospice after having her face diagnosed as having TPWKS (Terminal Persimmon Winter-Kill Syndrome).
Taxidermically speaking, this particular abnormality shows up on many older women who have had seven or more face lifts. Those afflicted usually have deep crevices in the lingual area of the face, along with a deep red cast to their skin, reminding cowboys of a persimmon wrinkled by the alchemy of cold weather and sunshine.
Many cowgirls have had this condition, including Calamity Jane and Ma Kettle. The difference is that they earned it the hard way, by riding herd and cooking for the wranglers back where men were men and women were jealous of the sheep.
We all wish Nancy Pelosi well as she dunks her head into a freezing astringent solution, the only known cure for this malady, other than having your head cyrogenically crystallized at -200 degrees Centrigrade like Baseball Hall of Famer Ted Williams did in order to preserve his chance for future resurrection opportunities.
Wish you all a Happy Holiday!
