Freshman Orientation for Congress Begins; Past Instructors Give the Skinny

Funny story written by Gail Farrelly

Monday, 15 November 2010

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It's back to school . . .

Newly elected members of the U.S. Congress are meeting this week to get some education about their forthcoming jobs.

Gail Farrelly, investigative reporter at The Spoof, interviewed some instructors of these orientation sessions from prior years.

To say the least, they were quite unimpressed with their students. A few of their comments follow:

-- "As soon as the newbies got settled in their seats in the lecture hall, they wanted to know when recess was."

-- "Many of the them were quite inattentive. Some snored loudly during the lectures; others dozed intermittently. Good practice for when they're actually serving in Congress."

-- "One industrious (she constantly took notes) student wearing eyeglasses was bullied unmercifully by the group during coffee break. Who do you think you are, the next Sarah? was one of many taunts."

-- "When I told the students to be sure and stand at government functions when 'Hail to the Chief' was played, one of them asked, Chief? Which tribe?"

-- "The newbies chatted on their cell phones during class. Dinner reservations and meetings with lobbyists were the main topics of conversation in the phone chats."

-- "During the question-and-answer session, the first question was Where does Nancy Pelosi get her hair done? Oy!"

Saving the best for last, Spoof reporter Farrelly said that one especially disgruntled interviewee who had taught at the Congressional orientation several years ago claimed he would never do it again. Explaining why, he quoted H. L. Mencken: "I never lecture, not because I am shy or a bad speaker, but simply because I detest the sort of people who go to lectures and don't want to meet them."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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