NO - we don't want YOU

Funny story written by Spicewood

Tuesday, 16 November 2010

image for NO - we don't want YOU
Anchor Store

A picturesque little city of around 50,00, that is nestled in the lush rolling green hills of Central Ohio, recently, after much deliberation, passed legislation that would ban Tattoo Parlors, Pawn Shops, and Heavy Truck and Auto Repair Shops from locating in the partially abandoned Downtown Area.

It is rumored that they are also working on legislation that would put a "dress code" into effect that would require suits, ties and dresses in the downtown area, and No Smoking within a two mile area.

A banker, representing a large local bank and a real estate developer who is investing heavily on a resurgence in the area were quite vocal expressing their views at the meeting. They apparently want to attract "their" types of business to the area.

There is not a great deal of foot traffic in the area now, not many retail shops or any "anchor" stores, all of which moved out of the downtown area many years ago. The anchor stores now are a Wendy's and a McDonald's. The area has recently been a good "proving grounds" for entrepreneurs who wanted to start businesses, with the thought of closing them in a short time, and then moving them on to an area with more traffic.

There was some concern that they were in some way insulting the many thousands or local citizens who have recently gotten tattoos, who will now have to drive to areas away from the downtown.

One irate businessman, who's dream was to have a Heavy Truck Repair Company located on the South side of the sparsely traveled square commented, "That shoots my dream, I guess I will have to go out on the inter-sate where all the traffic is, I was hoping that being downtown I would be slow and not have to hire anyone and have a payroll and all the headaches that go with a thriving business. I just wanted to be in business, not be busy."

Many in the crowd bemoaned the fact that they would now have to look for locations in high traffic areas where the rents were high.

There was some concern also that a new drug store is going to be located on West Main Street, just a half block away from City Hall. The concern there was that there are many senior citizens living in the area, and that they would become a traffic problem going to and from the drug store. One person chimned in, "We don't want all those walkers and canes holding up traffic. We want to be known as a young and vibrant community, who wants growth the way a couple of local citizens want it. Any business is welcome, just ask us first, for permission, you know, there are just some businesses and some people we don't want here."

There are no clothing stores in the area that met the criteria to establish a dress code, so Council has appropriated 50 Thousand Dollars to study the dress code problem.

One Councilman chimed in, "My daughter, my wife, my mom and my Grandma are all going to get tats, I wouldn't want them to get them here in the downtown where no one would see them, I want them to be able to get out of the Downtown, and go to a high traffic area where people will see them."

There is some concern also that due to their proximity to a river, that, even though it is a little river with no traffic, that some thought should be given to banning ship building and no offshore oil drilling. "Look at what happened to New Orleans," one councilman commented."

"We want growth, but our kind of growth," one spectator shouted out.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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