Jon Runyan, Heath Shuler: Big Dumb Jock Now Congressman Big Dumb Jock

Funny story written by anthonyrosania

Thursday, 4 November 2010

image for Jon Runyan, Heath Shuler: Big Dumb Jock Now Congressman Big Dumb Jock
No, I did not break the economy of the largest economic superpower in human history. Wait, yes I did.

Keyport, NJ resident Miel Rosania was just finishing her bacon and eggs at a local diner when a huge, Sasquatch-looking monster approached her.

Armed with Mace, Rosania waited for the right moment to douse the hideous beast when he said, "Hi, I'm running for congress. I hope to get your vote."

Jon Runyan, a former Eagles offensive lineman, was elected yesterday to represent the 3rd Congressional District in New Jersey. Not that he was the only former NFL player who was elected this year.

Second-largest NFL Draft bust Heath Shuler, who famously threw five interceptions in one game during his very brief tenure with the Washington Redskins, will soon be back doing his job poorly in D.C., this time representing North Carolina's 11th District as their Congressman.

So, what makes these meatheads qualified for public service? Not a f--king thing.

"I want to go to Washington and make things more gooder," said Runyan, clearly the victim of too may helmet-to-helmet collisions. "Things in New Jersey are less gooder, and I want to change that.

Shuler and Runyan will each serve two year terms, after which they will be summarily voted out of office, and slip into obscurity, as they should.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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