Obama Picks Major Amos B. Hoople As Chairman Of Joint Chiefs Of Staff

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Sunday, 31 October 2010

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Major Hoople

President Obama went deep into the ranks to pick a relatively unknown as Chairman of the Joint Chiefs Of Staff. Major Amos B. Hoople, known for his knack of expressing himself in non-traditional military ways; such as saying "Egad fap, cough, wheeze, gulp, glug, glug," was nominated by President Obama to lead our military for the next two years.

Relatively unknown by his military peers, Major Hoople came up through the ranks to become the de-facto head of the Alabama National Guard. For the past 10 years Major Hoople handed out M-1 Carbines to the recruits and personally made sure that the young men of Tuscaloosa, Alabama stood tall in personel inspections.

Major Hoople was a legend in military circles, primarily for originating the "Ball Walk." When the young Hoople was a Second Lieutenant, while marching in a "Pass In Review" ceremony, he unzipped his trousers and hung his nuts outside his pants, this while parading in front of the base commander and other high ranking officers while all the soldiers were doing an "eyes right."

Having shown his charisma at an early point in his career, he went up the ladder quickly, making Major when he was 63 years old. Disappointed in the leadership ability of Admiral Mullins and General Patraeus, Major Hoople was an easy choice for the beleagured Obama who needed a man he could trust to cover his back.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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