HOT SPRINGS, ARKANSAS - In 2008, Reverend Jeremiah Lee Caine of the Abaddon's Gate Baptist Church became gravely concerned upon hearing Obama's claim that "this was the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow." According to Obama, his feats would make Moses look like a mediocre birthday party magician. The Mainstream Media campaign presented candidate Obama as nothing less than "The Messiah." After all, giving "free government healthcare" to 30 million people and expecting Federal debt to go down was as sensible as Congress turning stones to bread.
It would have fit the narrative of the Apocalypse - an unknown man appears and performs miracles, is praised as the solution to all mankind's problems, then is revealed as the Anti-Christ when the world begins to collapse in flame. Unfortunately, President Obama has been LONG on promises, and practically nonexistent on "Miracles." The closest thing to a miracle where he can take credit is getting hordes of condescending Democrat political elites to dive head-first into oblivion by treating tax-paying Americans like sheep, meant to be sheared for the sole benefit of Washington, DC.
Reverend Caine: I have to admit it ... Obama may be the ultimate dirt-bag politician, but that doesn't make him the Anti-Christ. Lies might pour out of his mouth like waters from the Amazon River, but maybe it's because he's a young buck compared to the old and lazy and half-senile varmints on Capitol Hill. Heck, look at Barney Frank, his mother must have been doing drugs the whole nine months before he was born, and I'll bet he can't remember how to comb his hair anymore.
As President Obama's poll numbers continue to decline, some analysts theorize that "not being the Anti-Christ" has resulted in deep disappointment on the Political Left. Although the media endlessly warns of how Republicans are supported by Christians and Conservatives, the Democrat Party seldom receives attention for the many groups that share its ideology. Some Democrat "fellow travelers" include - Marxists, Atheists, Neo-Nihilism Anarchists, Luddites for Gaia, and Liberation Theology Statists. A political activist from San Francisco who voted for Obama complained about his unmet expectations.
Dweezil "Che" Johnson: I thought the first thing Obama would do as President was release all the Taliban from Guantanamo, and then the ACLU would win a class action suit for al-Qaeda and America would have to give them a TRILLION dollars, and then they would launch a bunch of nukes and blow up Texas.... And another thing, why didn't he repeal the WHOLE Constitution? You know he went to Law School, so he could have said something like "ipso-facto-wherefore-coitus-referendum" AND BAM - NO MORE CONSTITUTION!!! ... It's like he's exactly the same as "W" now.
In related news, Arab rumors have suggested that Barack Obama may be the "12th Imam" of Islam, whose appearance signals a world covered in blood and wracked in utter chaos and war. Iran's President shared a brief thought on the matter with Al Jazeera.
President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Iran: Only when the Americans are reduced to living in mud huts, and their capitalist industries lack even the strength to make toilet paper, only then shall I believe [Obama] is Al-Mahdi ... but maybe he will convince me in two more years.
