According to the Home Land Security office Moehavmudd Soilyuself, A Turkish terrorist entered the country in a suicide bomber mission, He arrived at Birmingham international airport in Alabama last week. From there, he was suppose to meet his accomplices in Texas and bring down Texas Stadium. The CIA monitored every single one of his moves.
His flight was eight hours long and very uncomfortable to say the least. During the flight he had an urge to go to the bathroom but when he saw the john it reminded him of an upright coffin" It looked claustrophobic and it smelled.
Shortly after landing at the airport he rented a mobile home and headed towards Texas.
After traveling a few miles he stopped at a diner and ate three bowls of high fiber cereal, collar greens with chitlins, ham hog and a dish of rice with black eye peas. The CIA agent sitting two booths behind was amazed at his appetite.
After eating dinner he traveled for thirteen hours, then stopped to eat at a Mexican restaurant. Again the impressive eater amazed everyone. He devoured burritos, chimichangas, ground beef tortillas, a whole bunch of hot chili peppers then washed it down with a pint of tequila.
The waiter gave him a smiling warning. "amigo be careful, you be eating too much" "I must warn you, chili food hot when it goes in, rocket fuel when it leaves. "Temperature outside won't give you a warning whether is gas, water or solid that be coming out." "don't worry amigo my anal sphincter is the smartest muscle in my body. It is the only one that can distinguish between solids, liquids or gas,"
After his nuclear meal Moehavmudd traveled a few more hours. When he was only a half an hour away from Texas Stadium he remembered that before any suicide bomber completes his mission. A prayer and cleansing session was required.
"When you are going to meet ninety nine virgins first impression are very important". Soilyuself mumbled to himself.
Moehavmudd suddenly realized he has not gone to the bathroom for almost three days." He had to clean his body from all earthly impurities and release all bubbles of methane pocket within his intestinal tract.
He parked at a rest stop and walk to the bathroom on the back of the mobile home. While mumbling "I don't have time for prayer but I will gladly offer a fecal sacrifice to the porcelain gods," A Magnums Dumpus is in order.
After a while Soilyuself was getting upset, he sat there for ten minutes pushing and still couldn't get the big brown caddy out of the back garage.
Moehasmudd squeezed, wriggled and grunted but all the fiber he ate just stood there like a lump of lead and the blocked chili gases that were aching to come out just couldn't squeeze through.
The victim of severe constipation strained so much that sweat started pouring from the engorged veins popping from his Islamo-facial skin. He almost had a stroke. When the phone rang, Soilyuself got up real fast to answer the phone.
The standing motion released some of the methane gas that was trapped behind the fecal block, the key chain that was hanging from his belt created a spark, when it rubbed against the metal wall of the bathroom.
Poor Moehavmudd became a victim of a loud non-galactic intestinal explosion and disappear inside his own black warm hole.
Call it "The Big Bang Butt Theory" "A Human Warm Black Hole" or The Methane Bubble Doomsday Cloud" No matter what you call it the mobile home and Moehavmud turned into a silly-chili-shity bang bang-bang.
After the smoke cleared the rest stop looked like a large non appetizing Turd-Kish.