Washington: There is absolutely no truth in reports that The United States is helping the Bin Ladens to turn the screws on Pakistani Prime Minister Geelani, reliable sources in the White House have told this correspondent.
"It's a well known fact that the Bin Ladens have more than a few screws loose anyway, and even in the event that they are out shopping for any, they're certainly not going to walk up to the doors of Langley and rap on the knocker, sniffed Ms Pepper n Salt, also known as the Spy wid de cold.
What is actually getting the CIA knickers in a knot are unconfirmed reports from Saudi Arabia that the Indian Intelligence Agencies have a hand in the Pakistan Floods. "Strange things are happening in that region," Salt hinted to this correspondent in an exclusive interview. "First that limey fellow, Cameron talks about the wrath of God visiting people who keep pet terrorists in their backyard, the Indians shout "wah wah," and start doing a rain dance, and then the skies turn on the waterworks!"
In the meanwhile the Mossa+d Chief who would like to remain unnamed, roared over the phone, "Don't you dare implicate Israel in any of this sh*t. I don't care whether Noah was a Jew, we absolutely have no hand in any deluge since about 2,000 BC.
The Bin Ladens refused to comment, they were sitting at a Halal bar sipping Islamic screwdrivers.
[The writer of this piece warns that it might be seriously offensive and advisies thin skinned people not to read it.]