Arizona Has Just Banned The Singing of The Christmas Song "Jingle Bells"

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 11 July 2010

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Every day about 3,426 more "For Sale" signs go up in the hundreds of neighborhoods in Arizona.

PHOENIX - The Arizona Senate has just voted 97-3 to ban the singing of the all-time classic Christmas song "Jingle Bells."

Senator Kipper "Kluxey" Klippstein, of Flagstaff, who authored the proposition known as Arizona Proposition X-19, stated that he decided to present the amendment due to the fact that lately, there has been so much negative publicity about his beloved state that he wanted to do something to keep with the somber mood of the present state of the state.

Klippstein, who has been rumored to be a little on the Clay Aiken side (gay), stated that since the song "Jingle Bells" is a happy, bouncy, gay tune (but not in a gay way), he does not want anyone singing it anywhere in the state.

Senator KKK, as some of his closest friends call him, said that he wants the citizens of Arizona to sing sad songs like The Bee Gees' "I Gotta Get A Message To You," George Jones' "He Stopped Loving Her Today," and one of the saddest songs ever written, "Eleanor Rigby" by The Beatles.

Senator Klippstein told a reporter for USA Today, "I used to be happy. I used to like to whistle Neil Diamond songs. I remember going down to the park and feeding pigeons three and four family sized bags of Cheetos."

The senator stated that he could recall a time when he was so happy that he would walk around downtown Flagstaff touching his crotch for hours on end and for no particular reason.

But he stated that those days are gone. Now he points out that he is very sad. Many of his fellow politicians have even begun referring to his as the damn sad ogre from Flagstaff.

The senator says that he feels so bad because President Obama has made it abundantly clear that before he is finished with the state of Arizona, it is going to be known as America's 'Ethiopia.'

SIDENOTE: Bill Gates has offered to pay for Senator Klippstein to move to Seattle where he will pay for his extensive therapy sessions as well as provide him a job as one of his security guards. Klippstein has so far declined the offer.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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